Thats right everyone! I’m done. I’m done being a crazy person! I’m done having an ED! I am FREE of the anxiety, worry, and most importantly, the scale. I did not weigh myself this morning. I was not upset or anxious about this. In fact, I was so excited to wake up and NOT weigh myself this morning that I damn near couldn’t sleep last night! It was JUST like waking up on Christmas morning kids! The gift of freedom was just an amazing thing to have this morning!
I had a long discussion with my husband last night. No, I didn’t tell him about my ED, but he’s not an idiot. He knows I eat, he sees it, so he doesn’t think I have one. But he DOES see everything else. The depression. The irritability. The distance. The change in my bubbly personality. He misses me. He misses who I used to be. My friends have approached him asking if I’m ok. They also miss me. And then it hit me. I FINALLY realized that it’s not worth it. It’s not worth losing my husband. My friends. Myself. Just to count calories. To feel terrible about myself if the scale reads 126. To be secretly upset and anxious at every family meal or every time a friend asks if I’d like to have a beer with them. NONE of this is worth it. So I’m done. I’m just done. I’m not done blogging, I still need this to keep me in check. I just want to eat normally and not step on a scale every day. Eating normally still includes having 3 meals a day. So I will continue to do that. I will check in with my weight when I feel like it. Its going to be a while. As long as my clothes fit, I don’t see why I should determine how I feel about myself by what the scale says. So guys, this is a new start for me!
My first mostly not-diet Waffles in nearly 2 years
- 3 tablespoons butter
- 1 1/2 cup flour
- 1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
- Pinch of salt
- 2 tablespoons sugar
- 1 1/2 cup milk
- 2 eggs
Preheat waffle iron and read manufacturer’s instructions. Melt butter in microwave. In a large bowl, combine flour, baking powder, salt and sugar. In another bowl, beat together milk and eggs. Whisk liquid mixture into dry ingredients until just combined. Stir in melted butter. Brush hot waffle iron with butter. Spoon about 1/2 cup of batter onto iron and close to cook. This first waffle will be the tester. Cook waffle until golden brown. Remove to plate and keep warm.
*For the first time ever I cooked with actual Country Crock 70 cals per Tablespoon BUTTER (ok margarine, BUT STILL, it was NOT the fat free 5 cals per T fake butter that I’ve been using for 2 years now) and I did not cut down on the sugar. I did a half recipe of this which made 2 huge Belgian waffles (with a little leftover batter), I still used Almond Milk (I really like it, I may just keep using it) because it was all I had and used a full egg. I still used sugar free Maple Syrup, but I didn’t try to barely drizzle it on, I used a full serving of it. This all sounds stupid, but its all a huge step. It was soooooo yummy and I just can’t wait to keep making real waffles! THANK YOU MOM for buying me my amazing waffle maker! She has no idea how much she’s helped me.
Cashew and Sweet Potato Chicken with Spinach
Half a handful whole cashews, about 1/4 cup
1/4 cup Evaporated Milk (I used fat free)
1/8 cup Almond Milk
A few strands of Cilantro (leaves and stems)
Small chunk of roughly chopped Ginger
1 t Fennel seeds
Splash of Lemon Juice
4 oz Chicken
About 1/4 cup chopped Anise
2.5 oz or so of Sweet Potato, cubed
Couple handfulls of Spinach, hand-torn
Small handful of Raisins
1 cup sliced Mushrooms
Dash of Cinnamon
Tiny pinch of ground Clove
1/4 t Coriander
1/2 T Brown Sugar
S&P to taste
Blend all sauce ingredients in a food processor. Boil potato chunks for about 8 minutes. Spray a pan with oil and cook anise, chicken and spices until chicken is cooked. Add mushrooms, raisins and sweet potato until moisture starts cooking out from mushrooms. Add cashew sauce and cook down to desired thickness. Add more milk if its too thick. Add torn spinach on top and cook until wilted. Stir in and serve on a bed of couscous. Throw a few extra whole cashews on top.
I HAD to immediately brag to a friend that my lunch was definitely far superior to whatever he ate. It didn’t matter what he had. This was awesome. I’m in love with using anise in place of onion. And y’all know I’m all about using onion in everything. The flavors are just so much lighter and different! It reminds me of summer. Soooooo good with a creamy sauce! I’m officially out of cashews…
Art Walk food.
My hubby took me on an art walk in the downtown of a really nice area of town. All of the stops had free food and wine. He indulged in the wine and since I was driving, I didn’t drink, but of COURSE indulged in all the great food! One place we stopped at (was actually a home that was an art piece in itself, gorgeous) had an inhabitant that obviously loved to cook gourmet dishes. I grabbed something that looked absolutely delicious and of course IMMEDIATELY dropped it on the floor. I felt SO HORRIBLE. Like SO bad. I almost left in shame without trying anything at all. Luckily I was encouraged to stay and try the amazing looking little appetizers. My favorite at this house by far was the corn cakes. His also had some sort of spicy beef concoction on top. Just incredible. A second house we went to had grilled salmon with a beautiful white sauce. I had all sorts of cheeses, cookies, chocolate and pies as well. GREAT night! And of course when I got home, I wanted to smash on an entire bag of chocolate chips. But foreseeing this (especially since I am currently home alone as my husband is staying the night at a friends) I instead BAKED my own cookies. This gave my tummy time to settle and my tastebuds a chance to calm down a bit. I made 5 small white chocolate, walnut and maple cookies. I couldn’t believe how well this technique worked. I mean, it worked RIDICULOUSLY well. I didn’t want anything else after eating these. Instead, I went and worked out for an hour and drank a bunch of water. Now I’m sitting here home alone, a whole fridge of food available, room in my tummy, and I’m not binging. ^_^
I’m incredibly proud of me. SO proud. And I’m SO happy. I’m no longer a slave to food. I can have what I want. I will stay active and keep working out. I will stop eating when I don’t want any more. I won’t keep eating just because I “won’t be allowed to” the next day. I’m allowed to eat whatever I want whenever I want. I’m not on a diet. But in the end I see I CAN eat responsibly. I will get back to a normal way of eating. I won’t feel the need to binge. I’m excited about my future. Today was a great day!
Exercise: 1 hour on stair stepper while watching Cupcake Wars, walking around downtown for a few hours