Food and weight-maintenence blog for the POST diet girl

For Nicole:

“Thank God I’m Pretty”

Thank God I’m pretty
The occasional free drink I never asked for
The occasional admission to a seedy little bar
Invitation to a stranger’s car
I’m blessed
With the ability to render grown men tongue-tied
Which only means that when it’s dark outside
I have to run and hide can’t look behind me
Thank God I’m pretty

Thank God I’m pretty
Every skill I ever have will be in question
Every ill that I must suffer merely brought on by myself
Though the cops would come for someone else
I’m blessed
I’m truly privileged to look this good without clothes on
Which only means that when I sing you’re jerking off
And when I’m gone you won’t remember
Thank God I’m pretty

Thank you God
Oh, lord
Thank you God
Oh, oh and when a gaggle of faces appears around me
It’s lucky I hate to be taken seriously
I think my ego would fall right through the cracks in the floor
If I couldn’t count on men to slap my ass anymore
I know my destiny’s such, that I must stocking and curl
So everybody thinks that I’m a fucking suicide girl

Thank you God
For the occasional champagne I never asked for
The occasional admission to a seedy little bar
Invitation to a stranger’s car
I’m blessed
With the ability to render grown men tongue-tied
Which only means that when it’s dark outside
I have to run and hide can’t look behind me
Thank God I’m pretty

Thank God
Thank God
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you God!

I got a little emotional during this one. I felt beautiful yesterday. I don’t today. I demand of myself to feel beautiful again very very soon!

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Comments on: "Extra post to make me happy and lighten the mood a little" (3)

  1. I read about your binge in the earlier post and I’m so sorry you went through that – there are so many small moments of victory there though, even if at the time you might have felt like you ‘lost’ to the bingeing urges: throwing things away, reserving things for later. I could never have done that. And when all was said and done, not eating for the rest of the day meant that your total wasn’t truly ‘bad’ anyway.

    I wonder if the disruption in routine of the previous day, of feeling happiness and abandon, and then eating a little more than you sounded comfortable with, didn’t set off the binge. I find that sometimes when my negative identity/viewpoint of myself is threatened, I ‘need’ in a masochistic way to do something to reinforce my self-defined worthlessness. Hence, I often binge after a happy, busy or exciting day, as well as after crappy ones.

    I adore your poem. I feel compelled to write one in response called ‘Thank God I’m Ugly’ (I don’t mean this in a sarcastic sense, but the tone is so cutting, and really speaks to me. But I am not pretty so I can only write from the perspective of ugliness).

    xxx

    • Thank you so much Jessica! That was actually really encouraging and really did make me feel a lot better. I didn’t have breakfast this morning…but I did feel like eating lunch. So I had a sandwich before going to the gym. I never thought about it that way but that could definitely be a reason as to why I did that. It actually makes a lot of sense, it’s a warning sign I will have to look out for next time now that its identified! Thank you so much!

      The poem is a song by this very talented girl named Emilie Autumn. Nicole and I saw her show on Tuesday and during this song she had the audience sing it, which normally I don’t approve of (Hey, I paid to listen to YOU sing it! Not me! Hehe) but in this case it was a room full of girls who love themselves, hate themselves, have issues, don’t have issues, but are all beautiful…and I felt pretty singing amongst them. When I finally got to meet Nicole right after this show she had actually purchased this adorable little tank that has a skeleton in the praying position with “Thank God I’m Pretty” along the bottom. It was so cool to see that in that moment she really identified with it as well. I feel so connected to all of you girls. You help so much more than you know you do.

      You amaze me. ^_^

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