I had an appointment at Planned Parenthood to take care of my girly parts. No breakfast. No time.
Since I was already out and about I decided to stop at the ex-loser’s house to pick up some more shit that I needed. I also had to clean out my old work room so that he could put down new carpet and put in an ad for a roommate. I actually did not have a bad time. I cleaned out everything except for some old things I’d kept since we were kids. A box of old letters from him from High School, a couple of hats that he left in my room once when I was 17, a folder of pictures and other things from him also given to me when he was 14. I put those things into a corner and told him I should throw them out, but didn’t have the heart to. I didn’t want them. He could do whatever he wanted with them. He said he would probably put them into a box and keep them.
What an idiot.
I contemplated going to my grandma’s. I promised her a visit at some point this week. I know she’ll try to take me out to eat. Can I make some sort of excuse? Ah! I have all of this stuff in my car that I’m moving and the front seat is too full of stuff to fit someone! That’s a good excuse! I’ll use that. I will visit her.
She takes one look at me and knows something is wrong. Because I look like shit. She calls me a “skinny minnie” which in her gentle way means she thinks I’m too thin. I told her how I’d been depressed. I hadn’t eaten, save for a rib and a couple of pieces of broccoli at the reunion and 1 piece of fruit this day or that day, in about 5 days. She tells me “Well, I can’t tell you what to do, but I can give you love and hope that helps.” I start telling her about G (PFH#3) and how disappointed he would be if he knew I still wasn’t eating and this made me start to cry. I’m normally a lot stronger around my grandma. I thought that I couldn’t hurt him or my grandma like this. It’s stupid and pointless. I hate looking like crap. So she took me out to lunch where I had a small cup of vegetable soup and about 1/4 of this massive turkey salad. I took the rest of it home.
My grandma gave me money for a counter-height table that I’d had my eye on. I can’t wait to start cooking on it!
She also gave me a BEAUTIFUL wooden cutting board.
I think she is trying to encourage me to eat, no?
I unpack my car at home and get some equipment set up in the basement for some business related things. In between all of this I am flirting with Potential Future Husband #1 on the computer and let others know that I’m going to be OK. I finish up a project and sit down to eat the rest of my salad. I get through about half of it. I just can’t eat any more. I throw out the rest. I did the very best I could. I was going to try and choke down all of it just to get it into me, but I didn’t want to make myself sick. That would be counter-productive.
I promised another friend I would have breakfast in the morning.