This shit sucks.
I casually in the middle of conversation told Potential Future Husband #1 that I miss him.
He did not say it back.
So I did not eat.
At some point in the afternoon I had a small orange.
I went on a walk and bought cigarettes. I don’t even smoke.
I plan on living off of those for my meals for the next few days.
I did go to work and give my last cupcake to G (Potential Future Husband #3, technically). I sort of just went back to his department, put it down on the register whispering “This is for you….I gotta go, bye!” And he stood there in shock and awe with this beautiful happy/confused look on his face and eventually managed a “Wow…thank you…” as I left and waved at him.
I got to chat with him on the computer later at night. He told me I was quite the “talented baker” and likened me to a Cupcake Fairy who brings cupcakes to those they find deserving and then flit away. Sort of like me. ^_^ I admitted to him that he’d brightened my day. I was severely depressed. I know that he quit smoking years ago, so I admitted to him that I’d bought a pack of cigarettes. He absolutely BEGGED me to throw them out. I told him I’d not eaten in 3 days. He reminded me that food is fuel and I need it to function, he knows I had an ED at one point and knows I’ll just get even more depressed if I don’t eat. I tell him these things because I want him to yell at me. I want someone to care. He’s such a wonderful guy. He takes such amazing care of me, which I told him. He deserves so much more than what life has given him. He needs proper fucked.
I’m working on that.
It’s all so stupid. I have nothing to be depressed over. I talked to PFH#1 on the computer this night as well. He was just as flirty and rambunctious as usual. We had a great time chatting. He invited me over sometime to watch more stuff with him. It was nice talking to both of them at at the same time. They’re both wonderful guys…
He’s having dinner with his parents, so I don’t get to cook for him for his birthday.
I think I’m going dancing tomorrow night.
It’s going to be hard as my energy will be fucked due to the fact that I have not eaten.
It’s better than drinking all day….which was my other option.
Exercise: 5 mile walk