Food and weight-maintenence blog for the POST diet girl

Eating on purpose

I had an appointment at Planned Parenthood to take care of my girly parts. No breakfast. No time.

Since I was already out and about I decided to stop at the ex-loser’s house to pick up some more shit that I needed. I also had to clean out my old work room so that he could put down new carpet and put in an ad for a roommate. I actually did not have a bad time. I cleaned out everything except for some old things I’d kept since we were kids. A box of old letters from him from High School, a couple of hats that he left in my room once when I was 17, a folder of pictures and other things from him also given to me when he was 14. I put those things into a corner and told him I should throw them out, but didn’t have the heart to. I didn’t want them. He could do whatever he wanted with them. He said he would probably put them into a box and keep them.

What an idiot.

I contemplated going to my grandma’s. I promised her a visit at some point this week. I know she’ll try to take me out to eat. Can I make some sort of excuse? Ah! I have all of this stuff in my car that I’m moving and the front seat is too full of stuff to fit someone! That’s a good excuse! I’ll use that. I will visit her.

She takes one look at me and knows something is wrong. Because I look like shit. She calls me a “skinny minnie” which in her gentle way means she thinks I’m too thin. I told her how I’d been depressed. I hadn’t eaten, save for a rib and a couple of pieces of broccoli at the reunion and 1 piece of fruit this day or that day, in about 5 days. She tells me “Well, I can’t tell you what to do, but I can give you love and hope that helps.” I start telling her about G (PFH#3) and how disappointed he would be if he knew I still wasn’t eating and this made me start to cry. I’m normally a lot stronger around my grandma. I thought that I couldn’t hurt him or my grandma like this. It’s stupid and pointless. I hate looking like crap. So she took me out to lunch where I had a small cup of vegetable soup and about 1/4 of this massive turkey salad. I took the rest of it home.

My grandma gave me money for a counter-height table that I’d had my eye on. I can’t wait to start cooking on it!

She also gave me a BEAUTIFUL wooden cutting board.

I think she is trying to encourage me to eat, no?

I unpack my car at home and get some equipment set up in the basement for some business related things. In between all of this I am flirting with Potential Future Husband #1 on the computer and let others know that I’m going to be OK. I finish up a project and sit down to eat the rest of my salad. I get through about half of it. I just can’t eat any more. I throw out the rest. I did the very best I could. I was going to try and choke down all of it just to get it into me, but I didn’t want to make myself sick. That would be counter-productive.

I promised another friend I would have breakfast in the morning.

I will.


Comments on: "Eating on purpose" (3)

  1. It definitely sounds to me like you’re dieting.
    That’s totally fine with me because I think that each person owns their body and nothing should sway their own personal nutritional or lack of nutritional choices.
    But just be kind to your body, as much as you can be, especially when your eating disorder is flaming like it’s currently doing.

  2. PS: It sounds like you look fabulous! Post pics! 😉

    • Hahaha! Hardy har har, darling. Very funny, hehe. Trust me, I DO NOT look fabulous. I own myself when I know I look good and right now I look embarassingly thin. 😦 I miss my curves. I will get them back!

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