Food and weight-maintenence blog for the POST diet girl

Archive for June, 2012

Crap day turned absolutely amazing

I woke up with some weird sense of impending doom knowing it was going to be a totally shitty day.

I made a super cool breakfast that turned out wonderful:

Simple Apple Galette
Adapted from Alice Waters via Smitten Kitchen

1 cup all-purpose flour
½ tsp sugar
1/8 tsp salt
¾ stick butter, cut into ½ inch cubes
3 ½ tbsp ice water

3-4 large apples
2 tbsp unsalted butter, melted
2 tbsp white sugar
2 tbsp brown sugar
large pinch cinnamon

Mix flour, sugar and salt. Cut butter into flour with a pastry blender or fork until mixture resembles coarse cornmeal with a few pea-size butter lumps. Add ice water and toss mixture with hands as it clumps together. Add more ice water, a tablespoonful at a time, until dough holds together. Shape it into a ball, wrap with plastic wrap, and flatten into a disk. Stick it in the fridge while you prep the filling.

Make filling and assemble pie

Cut apples into thin slices.

Preheat oven to 400 F.

Roll out the dough into a 12-inch circle (do this between two sheets of plastic wrap to avoid sticking). Arrange apple slices, overlapping, into an approximately 9-inch circle in the center of the dough. Sprinkle cinnamon and brown sugar over apples. Fold up the sides of the dough, pleating when needed.

Brush top of crust with melted butter, then drizzle the remaining melted butter over apples. Sprinkle the whole pie, including the crust, with white sugar. Bake for about 45 minutes until crust is browned and apples are tender.

If desired, brush apples with warmed apricot jam before serving (though I was too lazy to do that).

*Instead of drizzling the butter on, I cut it into small cubes and dotted it in between the apples. It turned out BEAUTIFULLY. And for once the crust was perfect, my crusts can be finicky sometimes…


Tried getting a hold of my brother at about 11 to see if he could help me bring these bookcases upstairs. He had JUST left to go out of town. Baaaaah. Then I fuck around on the Internets until noon when I realize I can’t go supplies shopping without my car today and I can’t drive my car because its got these 2 bookshelves the the back of it.


So I take a nap.

I sleep from Noon till about 2.

I make myself lunch and chat with my cousin online. Another bowl of fruit. I didn’t really want it, but hated the idea of wasting food even more. So I ate it anyway:


I look at the clock at 4 and realize G is leaving work. This makes me sad. I wish he was there with me today.

I think about taking a shower, even turn the water on, but decide it’s not even worth it because G isn’t going to be there anyway for me to look pretty for. My hair still looks decently nice anyway. Washing it just dries it out and makes it frizzy. So I’ll leave it the way it is.

I leave for work.

I walk across the parking lot at about 5:20 and am PRETTY certain I see G’s car…but it totally can’t be. He left at 4. He wouldn’t possibly still be there.

I walk into the break room. He’s sleeping on the table.

It was so cute I could hardly stand it.

Damn me for not prettying myself up…

Eventually my presence wakes him up. I’d kept him up so late the night before, he didn’t get home till 2:30, and then he had to be up again at like, 6 AM for work. I feel awful. He keeps telling me its alright but I still feel bad.

He then asks me if I’d like to push the movie time back and do coffee beforehand.

A pre-date date? Of course! How incredibly happy this has made me!

We talk a whole bunch before I actually get my ass to work and he finally goes home. We talk too much. He says its because we’re both just such fascinating people. It’s true. ^_^ Well…he is anyway…

I am nothing but smiles and rainbows and sunshine the rest of my shift at work.

I absolutely cannot wait for tomorrow.

I was so happy, I actually ate. I had a cup of black bean soup for dinner.

Things are so great. I am so happy.


Exercise: 2.5 mile walk to work (got a ride home from one of my highlighted boys)

I can’t do this

Every single time I go out with that man he says things that astound me. And I just fall more and more in love with him. I’m absolutely crazy about him. And I shouldn’t be.

I’m not even divorced yet. I have no business jumping into another relationship. I have no business giving my heart away again so fucking freely. I need to calm down and back off.

Not that he’s giving me any discouraging signs. He’s nothing but absolutely wonderful to me. But I need to hang back for a bit and chill the fuck out.

It’s so hard…

After our movie date Sunday, I will do so. Not that I’ve been particularly aggressive, but I need to give my brain a rest. I seriously can think of nothing but him. And it’s just emotionally exhausting.

We love talking so much. We went to dinner before the movie today and just got so wrapped up in chatting that we were very nearly late. Then after that, once again we got to chatting so much outside in the car that he ended up getting home at around 1:30 AM. I apologize for keeping him, yet he keeps talking and doesn’t seem to mind…I had to of “almost left” the car 5 times before actually leaving because he would jump right back into conversation each time I threatened to go. And every single time he talks I fall in love with him more…

See my predicament?

I’ve told him this too. I’ve told him that every time he talks I adore him more and more.

And yet he keeps talking…

And I just can’t.

If he asks me out, I will always be happy to go out with him. But I will try not to get so depressed in-between. I’m going to do my best to just be casual and let things play themselves out.

I miss him all the time.

I have no pictures of any of my meals. I had a small bowl of cereal for breakfast. A pear for lunch. And about 3/4’s of a Thai chicken salad for dinner. I went on a 5 mile walk for exercise.

I was supposed to take a picture of my cute new outfit, but couldn’t get a good shot. I suck…

How can someone be so incredibly happy and so incredibly sad at the same time?

Bored, bored, BORED…

I feel like Sherlock.

And shooting up my wall DOES sound nice right now…

First of all, I slept in. Till 8:00. I was SHOCKED at how late it was when I woke up!!! Granted, I was up till about 2:30 or 3 last night and danced up a fucking storm at the club. But still…8??? What a terrible start!

I wandered down to the farmer’s market at 9AM to buy what I hoped would be some fresh cut flowers for my apartment. Turns out they only sell planted flowers, no cut flowers at all. Bollocks. Well, at least I picked up 2 massive bags of fruit for only $2.

When I got home, I made a mad dash to the grocery store that I know always has clearance cut flowers and picked up some for cheap. I hope to always have flowers in my house at all times. This is important to me.

After this, I went to the flea market to pick up those bookcases. I LOVE THOSE BOOKCASES. This was the most exciting part of my day.

I had no one to help me bring them up though. So they are still sitting in my station wagon. Bah… Here I was hoping to fill my day before work with unpacking my books and trinkets and arranging them neatly on my new bookcase. Well…instead I just did my laundry and sat at my computer for hours bored out of my mind. I was actually GLAD to leave for work. But then was just bored out of my fucking mind there as well. One of my boys was there for an hour and a half. G wasn’t there. It wasn’t worth being there…

And I was so bored…


Just cereal. Raisin Bran. Sometimes I just feel like pictures of cereal are really boring and no one wants to see them heh.


Fruit bowl consisting of any fruits that I just bought that needed to be used right away! Blueberries, strawberries, mango, pear, peach and plum! WOW!!!! No added anything, no sugar or honey, it’s perfectly sweet enough!


Cup of black bean soup at work. Was bored. Didn’t feel like eating much. But at least I ate right?


I’m so looking forward to tomorrow its crazy.

I had messages from G waiting for me when I got home. Left me his number for plans and whatnot. *sigh* ^_^ Tomorrow will be a fantastic day.


Exercise: 4 mile walk

First thing’s first…

Do any of you know of a reasonably priced pedometer that also tracks distance and possibly calories burned? I promised G I would ask my little community here as I am CERTAIN I can find someone who would be able to recommend something for him. Those sorts of things were never exactly in my budget, so I found other ways of calculating those numbers.

Now that I have that out of the way, my day was finally full of productivity! YAY! I got 2 projects done and sent, raided my fridge to use up veggies that may have gone to waste otherwise, and went dancing for 3.75 hours!!

The low point of my day was finding out that Hobby Lobby has sold the one thing I wanted more for my apartment than anything in the world…that British Telephone Booth mirror. I immediately started hyperventilating in panic when I didn’t see it…I noticed a LOT of merchandise had been moved around in the foyer, and I freaked out entirely. I asked every employee there if they knew what happened to it or if they could find it for me. The manager finally informed me that it had been sold.

I don’t even know how to express how sad I am.

I almost didn’t go dancing because the motivation just wasn’t there.

I am glad I went though as I worked out a lot of aggression and it made me happy. I got hit on by this boy who was sweet, but I’m swearing off younger men, so I tried to politely tell him I was not interested in dancing with him. I don’t really dance with other people anyway. When I go to the goth club I really just want to be alone and dance by myself. He wanted me to teach him how to dance, but I really can’t do that. I don’t dance with others. I can dance up a goddamn STORM on my own incredibly well, but that’s all I can do. I felt bad because he was nice, but I’m really too messed up right now to be dealing with this sort of stuff.

I am not looking forward to tomorrow other than the fact that it gets me one day closer to Friday. I am not working with any of my boys in the evening. The one thing I AM looking forward to is buying some bookshelves that I saw at a flea market that go with my “theme” to a goddamn T. They are black and have a beautiful shelf that lays on top of them to connect them. I will finally be able to display my books and trinkets. They light up too if I am interested in that, which I may be.


I didn’t have any. As predicted, I woke up having had acid reflux during the night due to my pizza. My throat was uncomfortable and my stomach upset. So I skipped it.


PB&J. Just to try and calm the churning in my stomach. Blah.


Veggie and Tofu stir fry

WHAT?? This was ridiculously good!! I didn’t want any rice/oil/carbs today, so I marinated the pressed tofu in a concoction of soy sauce, Worcestershire sauce, lime juice, rice wine vinegar and chili paste for about an hour. Then I dry-fried the tofu with no oil, threw in a ton of veggies (zucchini, yellow summer squash, yellow peppers, onion and diced tomato), a big dollop of minced garlic and some fresh grated ginger with a pinch of coriander, salt and pepper. I added what was left of the marinade into this while it was cooking and after plating added just a little more soy sauce on top. HOW DID THIS TURN OUT SO GOOD? Oh my god! It was wonderful! There was so much food I couldn’t finish it all, but what I had was so fresh and clean tasting. WOW!


I wonder if I can drag two bookshelves up here by myself…

Exercise: 3.75 hours of dancing

Per Special Request

A view of my kitchen table, one of my chairs, and my adorable little breakfast nook that will soon be adorned with a sheer curtain and drippy Christmas lights.



All day I should have been working.

And I did a little bit.

But I was pleasantly distracted for 3 hours.

I’ve now got dates planned for Friday and Sunday. I simply couldn’t be more fucking happy.

I need some new clothes…


Banana, Cherry and Raisin Oatmeal Breakfast Cookies

Adapted from:

1 1/2 cups         oatmeal, quick or old fashioned
2                         ripe bananas, mashed with fork until creamy
1 cup                  unsweetened applesauce (I used yogurt as I have no applesauce)
1/3 cup               raisins, dried cranberries or a mixture of the two
1/4 cup               chopped walnuts, toasted (I used granola as I am out of nuts of any sort right now)
1 tsp                    vanilla extract
1 tsp                    cinnamon (or more, to taste)

1)   preheat heat oven to 350 degrees

2)   mix vanilla extract & cinnamon into the applesauce

3)   blend applesauce mixture with all other ingredients &
let sit for 10 minutes

4)   drop cookie dough, by spoonfuls, onto a parchment paper lined cookie
sheet & flatten cookies into rounds

5)   bake approx. 30 minutes, or until golden & done

6)   remove from oven & let rest on cookie sheet for 5 minutes,
then move to cooling rack

7)   when completely cool store in a covered container

Enjoy for breakfast, for an afternoon snack with tea/coffee or just about anytime!

*I enjoyed that these were no-sugar-added, gluten-free and egg-free. They were basically just baked oatmeal in the form of a cookie, so that’s the texture you ought to expect if you make these. They were good for a health-conscious morning! I only ate 5 out of the 6 pictured. I knew I would never eat the last one so I just threw it out.


I haven’t had a real lunch in so long, I sort of just get busy running around that I forget entirely. As I was chatting on the computer with G I realized it was 3 and I hadn’t eaten. I checked on the bread I had and of course it had gone bad long ago…I just didn’t realize because I keep skipping lunch. I had half a nectarine because well…I don’t know…I didn’t really care I guess and wasn’t too hungry yet.


Pineapple and Mushroom Pizza

This was not intended to be a thin-crust pizza. Me and pizza dough notoriously don’t get along. I cannot seem to make it properly to save my life. I also experimented with the pizza sauce and it didn’t work. Well, you never know unless you try right? It looks good, but in all actuality I failed in all aspects of this. I won’t bother posting any recipe details since this really did not turn out right.


I still ate all of the pizza. I will regret it in the morning as I ate too much and will not want breakfast. It’s ok, I won’t need it. I won’t be hungry. I can tell already.

Tomorrow I need to get all the crap done that I failed to get done today. I was distracted far too long and easily on the computer and while I did get a project finished, walked for far too long afterwards. I will get an early start and do shit up right tomorrow. I promise. I know for a fact that SOMEONE is working in the morning and so won’t be around to distract me. That will help.

Exercise: 1/2 hour of yoga, probably like…a 6-7 mile walk. It was a long walk.

Family-encouraged Meatless Monday!

My family is so cool.

My grandpa was in town for a visit, so we all went out to diner at a tapas-style restaurant. I mention to my dad right before we order that whatever dishes I choose to bring to the table will have to be vegetarian as I cannot eat meat on this day and explain my reasoning, but that everyone else is free to order and share whatever they desire.  He ends up ordering ALL of our dishes vegetarian! Just for me! My dad is the coolest!

It’s nice to be encouraged to eat healthy and try new ideas and new ways of seeing food. My dad is a cook, so he understand my love of all things food! YAY DAD!

I also got to go clearance decor shopping this morning! I picked up a couple of neat candle holders ($11 for both, originally $55) and a MASSIVE red wall clock ($16, originally $80) for my adorable little place! I also plan on picking up 2 book cases with a shelf on top that connects them at a flea market for next to nothing. Having something to put my books on trumps buying a television. It can wait.

I got to do a bit of work from home and a tiny bit of baking. I did much much better today. Although I did have a little encouragement, I’m feeling much better. Much more like myself. And much more confident in my ability to rock this shit.

Thank you everyone for talking me through this. It means so much to have you all around.


Banana Blueberry Scones with Brown Sugar Glaze

Adapted from:

Makes 8 scones

2 very ripe bananas (about 8 oz or 1 cup once mashed)
2-4 tablespoons milk, whole or 2%
1/2 cup (4 oz) plain yogurt, whole or 2%
2 1/2 cups (12.5 oz) all-purpose flour
4 tablespoons (1 1/2 oz) granulated sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon
4 tablespoons (2 oz) unsalted butter
1/2 cup chopped walnuts (optional)

For the glaze:
1 tablespoons (1 oz) salted butter
2 tablespoons (1 oz) milk, whole or 2%
1/4 cup (2 oz) packed brown sugar
1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4-1/2 cup (2-4 oz) confectioner’s sugar

Mash the bananas and then add enough milk to make one total cup (if necessary). Stir in the yogurt and set aside.

Whisk together the flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, and cinnamon in a large bowl. Cut the butter into several pieces. Work it into the dry ingredients using a fork, pastry cutter, or your finger tips until there are no pieces of butter larger than a pea.

Pour the banana-yogurt mixture into the bowl with the flour and stir just enough to incorporate all of the flour. Fold in the walnuts, if using. This will make a fairly wet dough.

Line a dinner plate with a piece of wax paper and turn the dough out on top. Pat it into a disk about 1-inch thick and cover with another piece of wax paper. Freeze the scone dough for 30 minutes.

Preheat the oven to 400°F.

Peel off the top layer of wax paper and invert the scones onto a parchment-lined baking sheet. Peel off the second layer of wax paper. Slice the scones into eight wedges and pull them apart a little to give them some room to expand. Bake for 25-30 minutes, until the scones are firm to the touch and turning golden-brown on the edges. Cool completely and cut apart any scones that baked together with a sharp knife.

To make the glaze, melt the butter and the milk in the microwave for 30 seconds. Add the brown sugar and vanilla, and stir until the sugar has melted (heat for an additional 30 seconds in the microwave if necessary). Whisk in the confectioner’s sugar, starting with 1/4 cup. Add more confectioner’s sugar if desired to make a thicker glaze.

Just before serving, drizzle the glaze over the scones. The glaze will harden after setting for a minute or two, and can be served right away or packed for a later snack. The glaze can make the scones a bit sticky if kept for longer than a few hours, so store any scones to be eaten later un-glazed. Extra un-glazed scones can also be frozen and re-heated in a microwave or toaster oven.

*I obviously just added blueberries to this, that was pretty much the only adaptation. I made 3 big scones but only ate about 2 and a half. It was a LOT of food…really good, but I was so full! Haha. I hate wasting food, but I knew I wouldn’t ever end up finishing that last half. Ah well! Recipe was very much a success though! I’m certain its very clear that I have bananas to use up!


I was running around a lot today and working from home a bunch and kinda forgot to eat. Whoops. Oh well…at least I had dinner!


Out with family where I ate vegetarian grape leaves, fatoosh,  green beans, flatbread with hummus, a cheesy flambe, and sauteed mushrooms! YUM!!! We finished it off with frozen yogurt for dessert which I had a watermelon non-dairy non-fat yogurt with blueberries and mango! WOW what a night! I didn’t eat all my yogurt because I was pretty full, but otherwise I did really well for the evening!


REALLY glad I got actual food into my stomach today and that my dad was OVERLY accommodating! How cool of him! It was so great to get shit done and just try to get other things off of my mind. I think it worked really well indeed! I’m feeling much much better and taking better care of myself. YAY! This “stopping and breathing” thing has been treating me wonderfully.

I will be okay.


Trying to calm down

What a shit day.

My eating suffered due to my shit day and my head that just won’t shut up.

I need to take myself back. All of YOU have encouraged me to do so. So I will do it.

I also want to make clear that none of my guys ENCOURAGE me to not eat. None of them do. If any of them found out that I wasn’t eating because of them, they would kill me (especially #3, he’s the only one that knows the extent of my problem though…). It’s something I do to myself, not out of spite to myself or because I “want to lose weight” because of him or anything, it has nothing to do with that. My emotions tend to rule my stomach is all. Butterflies have always (my entire life) kept me from eating. Sadness has always kept me from eating. These are not new developments. But it does seem more extreme now as food in general has a different meaning to me now than it ever had in the past.

I will not let all of you down.


Whole Wheat Banana Pancakes with Strawberry Compote

Adapted from:


1- 1/2 cups flour (I used all whole wheat)
3 tablespoons sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt
1/2 cup sour cream (I omitted this and used a smashed banana instead)
3/4 cup plus 1 tablespoon milk
2 extra-large eggs
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 teaspoon grated lemon zest
Unsalted butter
2 ripe bananas, diced, plus extra for serving (My bananas are too ripe to slice, so I used them in the batter above instead)
Pure maple syrup (Made a compote instead)


Sift together the flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. In a separate bowl, whisk together the sour cream, milk, eggs, vanilla, and lemon zest. Add the wet ingredients to the dry ones, mixing only until combined.

Melt 1 tablespoon of butter in a large skillet over medium-low heat until it bubbles. Ladle the pancake batter into the pan to make 3 or 4 pancakes. Distribute a rounded tablespoon of bananas on each pancake. Cook for 2 to 3 minutes, until bubbles appear on top and the underside is nicely browned. Flip the pancakes and then cook for another minute until browned. Wipe out the pan with a paper towel, add more butter to the pan, and continue cooking pancakes until all the batter is used. Serve with sliced bananas, butter and maple syrup.

Yield: 12 pancakes

Strawberry compote:

1T Water
1T Sugar
4 big Strawberries sliced

Throw it all in a saucepan and let it simmer until desire thickness is reached.

*Since I used all whole wheat and banana instead of sour cream, these were a bit dense, but otherwise completely delicious. I didn’t use all the batter I made. And then I didn’t eat half of my last pancake. But I think I did pretty good considering I don’t really feel like eating. They were very yummy. I also toned down the amount of syrup I made, I tend to make a LOT of sauce/syrup for whatever I’m making and feel I need to quit this.


In a way I guess I sorta skipped lunch. I ate breakfast at like 10:30, and then had to leave for work at about 12:45, so I wasn’t exactly hungry for lunch yet.


I tried to eat a cup of chili at work. I got most of the way through it, I probably ate about 4/5’s of it. But threw out the rest. I was full and starting to feel a little sick.


One of the new girls at work may have a problem with an ED. We talked a lot today. She is really cool. I hope I can help her. I really want to. I feel like I’m not in much of a position to help people right now. Here I’ve got G on a diet not eating enough calories and this other girl who tells me shes had binge problems and that she thinks she is too thin and should gain weight…I want to save the world. But I have to save myself first. It’s conplicated.

I just need to stop and breathe for 5 minutes. Just…stop and breathe…

Exercise: 4 mile walk, 8 hours running around retail job


Never again (miserable)

I hated my date.

I didn’t want to be there.

I just sat there with my arms crossed the entire time, I tried to enjoy myself and the fights were awesome, but all I could think of was how badly I didn’t want to be there.

I did try to pretty myself up a bit, but the idea of making myself beautiful for anyone else but G made me want to puke.

Maybe I should have, I might have felt better.

I didn’t eat anything while I was there. I didn’t want anything. I feel like a mess.

I got there late and left early. I honestly barely said two words to him and I’m sure he didn’t even care. I cannot do this. It’s a waste of my time and emotion.

I was also so tired, I’d been up for 20 hours as I was up at 4AM to be at work by 7. I find out first thing in the morning that my ex-idiot is bringing his idiot girlfriend to this reunion he’d been planning. I was going to go. He wasn’t going to bother giving me any warning that she was going. I am not going to attend. My (his) cousin is really disappointed. She tells me she misses me. I miss her so much. But I just can’t go. I don’t want to put anyone into a bad situation. I’m just not that kind of person.

I just don’t understand how a person can be so cruel to another and try to put them into a position like that. It’s shitty to know that someone can care so little about someone else.


Leftover Rhubarb Bar from like, a week and a half ago. I was gonna eat more, but then didn’t.


I had a cup of Chicken Noodle soup from work.


I did not eat dinner. My mind was elsewhere and I didn’t want to eat.


My thighs don’t touch. My waist is down to 25”. Fuck.

I also realized today just how much traffic my site gets. It almost freaked me out a bit. I feel like I have a big responsibility to this community now. And I’m fucking it up. I will try harder. For all of you. I love all of you.

I’m so sorry.

Added explinations

I’d like to point out something important.

I do realize I write a lot about my personal life on here. Since this is a blog about my every day eating habits as a recovering bulimic, my personal life seems to GREATLY affect how I eat.

Or don’t eat.

I just want everyone to understand exactly why I do what I do. I hope to instill warning signs for others with my habits. If anyone finds themselves in similar situations, I hope they can learn from my experience and make an educated decision on how they ought to react to their own situations and what life throws at them.

Maybe they can do better than me.

Your words of encouragement ALWAYS help though. Always. My life has turned into quite the odd story and I hope if nothing else you are entertained.

I am scared to death that he may see this though. TO DEATH.

I believe him entirely when he says he doesn’t want to invade my privacy and do not believe he would actively go looking for it. Once again, a true gentleman.