I wanted to bring PFH#3 my last piece of cake and surprise him at work with it.
I started today with just a small bowl of cereal. No picture because it was simply nothing fancy.
I made an educated decision as to when his breaks would be so I wouldn’t show up when he was already in the break room.
I ran behind the cafe and grabbed a small plate and fork, plated the cake beautifully and perfectly, and left it on the breakroom table with a small note that just said his name with a little heart under it.
On my way out a manager asked me if I could work that night as we had a call-off and needed a shift covered. I agreed mainly because it meant I would get to work with “him” for an hour and a half.
Then I left.
I do not eat lunch. I’m so nervous about the cake. Should I have left a heart on the note? Is that too obvious? Will he not like the cake? Will everyone else there give him crap for my obvious attractions to him?
I finished up a project, ran some errands, walked my package to the post office, then did my best to make myself look pretty at work. If only for an hour and half…
I notice of course when I get to the breakroom that not only has my cake been eaten, but my note has been rescued…it was not thrown away.
He saved it.
There was a little heart on it after all….
We eventually do run into each other right before he leaves. He tells me how incredible a baker I am and how absolutely wonderful it was. I apologize for constantly ruining his diet…and ask him if it was worth permanently disfiguring my hand over. He said nothing is worth that and he is so sorry that happened to me. It’s ok. As long as he is happy and he liked it, I don’t care about my hand.
We chat once more up next to the door before he leaves. He knows that the coffee I make for some reason is crap. Even though I DO try hard to make good coffee I think my coffee maker just sucks. He has promised to make me good coffee sometime soon and sees it as “making something for ME” instead of me always making him stuff. I am excited about this.
I miss him when he leaves.
PFH#2 is there tonight though. So this still makes me very happy indeed. I tell him about everything. All the time. I’ve told him everything about everything for the past 10 years. He has been there for every single major step in my life. So of course I tell him about G and how crazy I am about him. This is the first man PFH#2 has EVER approved of for me in the entire 10 years I’ve known him.
Absolutely everyone seems to be routing for him.
I eat a small cup of Chicken Noodle soup. I do it because I wouldn’t want G to be upset. I hate it when he’s sad. It breaks my fucking heart and I just want to cry when he looks at me like that. I can’t do it. I have to eat something.
I am getting thinner again.
My pants are starting to fall off of me. My collarbone is more prominent. I hope G doesn’t notice. He knows I have problems. I can’t upset him. I just can’t. But I’m so nervous all the time. My stomach just fills to the brim with butterflies every time he is around. And how can one eat when they are always full?
Supposed to be seeing PFH#1 tomorrow. I don’t even want to. I don’t even care right now.
Exercise: 4.5 mile walk, 5 hours running around retail job