I hated my date.
I didn’t want to be there.
I just sat there with my arms crossed the entire time, I tried to enjoy myself and the fights were awesome, but all I could think of was how badly I didn’t want to be there.
I did try to pretty myself up a bit, but the idea of making myself beautiful for anyone else but G made me want to puke.
Maybe I should have, I might have felt better.
I didn’t eat anything while I was there. I didn’t want anything. I feel like a mess.
I got there late and left early. I honestly barely said two words to him and I’m sure he didn’t even care. I cannot do this. It’s a waste of my time and emotion.
I was also so tired, I’d been up for 20 hours as I was up at 4AM to be at work by 7. I find out first thing in the morning that my ex-idiot is bringing his idiot girlfriend to this reunion he’d been planning. I was going to go. He wasn’t going to bother giving me any warning that she was going. I am not going to attend. My (his) cousin is really disappointed. She tells me she misses me. I miss her so much. But I just can’t go. I don’t want to put anyone into a bad situation. I’m just not that kind of person.
I just don’t understand how a person can be so cruel to another and try to put them into a position like that. It’s shitty to know that someone can care so little about someone else.
Leftover Rhubarb Bar from like, a week and a half ago. I was gonna eat more, but then didn’t.
I had a cup of Chicken Noodle soup from work.
I did not eat dinner. My mind was elsewhere and I didn’t want to eat.
My thighs don’t touch. My waist is down to 25”. Fuck.
I also realized today just how much traffic my site gets. It almost freaked me out a bit. I feel like I have a big responsibility to this community now. And I’m fucking it up. I will try harder. For all of you. I love all of you.
I’m so sorry.