Food and weight-maintenence blog for the POST diet girl

Never again (miserable)

I hated my date.

I didn’t want to be there.

I just sat there with my arms crossed the entire time, I tried to enjoy myself and the fights were awesome, but all I could think of was how badly I didn’t want to be there.

I did try to pretty myself up a bit, but the idea of making myself beautiful for anyone else but G made me want to puke.

Maybe I should have, I might have felt better.

I didn’t eat anything while I was there. I didn’t want anything. I feel like a mess.

I got there late and left early. I honestly barely said two words to him and I’m sure he didn’t even care. I cannot do this. It’s a waste of my time and emotion.

I was also so tired, I’d been up for 20 hours as I was up at 4AM to be at work by 7. I find out first thing in the morning that my ex-idiot is bringing his idiot girlfriend to this reunion he’d been planning. I was going to go. He wasn’t going to bother giving me any warning that she was going. I am not going to attend. My (his) cousin is really disappointed. She tells me she misses me. I miss her so much. But I just can’t go. I don’t want to put anyone into a bad situation. I’m just not that kind of person.

I just don’t understand how a person can be so cruel to another and try to put them into a position like that. It’s shitty to know that someone can care so little about someone else.

Breakfast:

Leftover Rhubarb Bar from like, a week and a half ago. I was gonna eat more, but then didn’t.

Lunch:

I had a cup of Chicken Noodle soup from work.

Dinner:

I did not eat dinner. My mind was elsewhere and I didn’t want to eat.

 

My thighs don’t touch. My waist is down to 25”. Fuck.

I also realized today just how much traffic my site gets. It almost freaked me out a bit. I feel like I have a big responsibility to this community now. And I’m fucking it up. I will try harder. For all of you. I love all of you.

I’m so sorry.

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Comments on: "Never again (miserable)" (9)

  1. if you can feel yourself slipping, change it for YOU, fuck us blog readers. We want to read the reality of dealing with life events like divorce and shitty ex-husbands and how these things can make us slip up, even when we’re recovered – whatever recovery is for you. If you ever need to talk, give me an email 🙂 I won’t be soppy i promise! xx

    • You’re so wonderful. I’m going to try hard to be OK today and eat. Yesterday was just the shittiest of shitty days. Not that that’s an excuse, but it really was just awful. Today might be better. Thank you so much hon.

  2. It seems to me that you may not be ready for dating yet. Just having these crushes affect your eating so much that I can only imagine it will be even more of a struggle in a relationship that already started out on rocky ground where food is concerned. You are only 31 and have plenty of time to get yourself right before finding a partner. Why not call a BOYcott (lol get it?) while you focus on nourishing yourself the way your body deserves? You cannot take care of someone else until you take care of yourself. I wish you luck; your recipes look delicious and I hope one day you will be able to enjoy them as much as your readers love looking at them!

    • Oh I’m definitely not ready for dating. But I can’t help who I fall for….I’m working really hard on taking care of myself. I do hate how much it affects my eating, trying to get over a disorder and then having all this stuff bombarded at you just exacerbates the problem of course. But I think as long as I keep trying I’ll be ok. My head has a lot of things to work out and my head and my stomach don’t always work at the same time.

      Hehe I DO enjoy them! I love food more than anything in this world, including any men. It amazes me though how I STOP eating when my emotions get the best of me. It makes no sense. I ate today. I’m fixing it. I will have pretty food pictures for you tomorrow.

  3. I will try not to be horribly envious of your 25 inch waist as I know our struggles are very different, and I agree with the commenter above who said that perhaps the emotional toll that dating is taking on you is not worth it for the time being? I have to say that from the posts I’ve read recently you deserve better than any of the PFHs or G…but I am no relationship expert so I have hesitated to comment until now.

    Please take care – you are worthy of so much more love than you give yourself!

    xxx

    • Thank you sweetheart, dating is always hard for me because I fall really hard really fast. And I stay that way unless they do something to change my mind. If they continue to love me, I will continue to love them for a loooooong time. But wrong me and I’ll forget you just as fast.

      My eating habits are things that I’ve got to work through regardless of anyone else or how they treat me or how they feel about me. And I’m learning and I’m trying. Please trust me when I say PFH#3 IS worth it. #1 was not and I learned that really fucking fast. I have 2 dates and a weekend trip lined up with #3 whereas #1 wouldn’t even make time for me for 1 fucking night. I can do this, I just need to learn to eat something. I need Alton to Tweet me some more cooking ideas. THEN I’ll definitely eat.

  4. I agree with Jessica! Even though G is the best of your current options, I feel that ALL of these ‘fellows’ are not good enough for you. Seriously, chill out for a while. Just be alone. I love being alone! Revel in the glory of your non-touching thighs / 25″ waist! Yay! That’s so exciting, even though it was created by cutting a few cals. I’d like to see some body pictures and table pictures. Both have me very curious!

    • I’m not afraid to be alone, but I am afraid of losing my chance at someone simply because I did not speak up. Otherwise, I enjoy being alone! I love having my adorable little place to myself. ^_^ No one is good enough for me because I AM pretty awesome, I understand this hehe, And no one is worth hurting myself or my body over, I understand this too. OH I have pictures with my yellow flowers on my table! I’ll have to post those!

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