What a shit day.
My eating suffered due to my shit day and my head that just won’t shut up.
I need to take myself back. All of YOU have encouraged me to do so. So I will do it.
I also want to make clear that none of my guys ENCOURAGE me to not eat. None of them do. If any of them found out that I wasn’t eating because of them, they would kill me (especially #3, he’s the only one that knows the extent of my problem though…). It’s something I do to myself, not out of spite to myself or because I “want to lose weight” because of him or anything, it has nothing to do with that. My emotions tend to rule my stomach is all. Butterflies have always (my entire life) kept me from eating. Sadness has always kept me from eating. These are not new developments. But it does seem more extreme now as food in general has a different meaning to me now than it ever had in the past.
I will not let all of you down.
Whole Wheat Banana Pancakes with Strawberry Compote
1- 1/2 cups flour (I used all whole wheat)
3 tablespoons sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt
1/2 cup sour cream (I omitted this and used a smashed banana instead)
3/4 cup plus 1 tablespoon milk
2 extra-large eggs
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 teaspoon grated lemon zest
2 ripe bananas, diced, plus extra for serving (My bananas are too ripe to slice, so I used them in the batter above instead)
Pure maple syrup (Made a compote instead)
Sift together the flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. In a separate bowl, whisk together the sour cream, milk, eggs, vanilla, and lemon zest. Add the wet ingredients to the dry ones, mixing only until combined.
Melt 1 tablespoon of butter in a large skillet over medium-low heat until it bubbles. Ladle the pancake batter into the pan to make 3 or 4 pancakes. Distribute a rounded tablespoon of bananas on each pancake. Cook for 2 to 3 minutes, until bubbles appear on top and the underside is nicely browned. Flip the pancakes and then cook for another minute until browned. Wipe out the pan with a paper towel, add more butter to the pan, and continue cooking pancakes until all the batter is used. Serve with sliced bananas, butter and maple syrup.
Yield: 12 pancakes
4 big Strawberries sliced
Throw it all in a saucepan and let it simmer until desire thickness is reached.
*Since I used all whole wheat and banana instead of sour cream, these were a bit dense, but otherwise completely delicious. I didn’t use all the batter I made. And then I didn’t eat half of my last pancake. But I think I did pretty good considering I don’t really feel like eating. They were very yummy. I also toned down the amount of syrup I made, I tend to make a LOT of sauce/syrup for whatever I’m making and feel I need to quit this.
In a way I guess I sorta skipped lunch. I ate breakfast at like 10:30, and then had to leave for work at about 12:45, so I wasn’t exactly hungry for lunch yet.
I tried to eat a cup of chili at work. I got most of the way through it, I probably ate about 4/5’s of it. But threw out the rest. I was full and starting to feel a little sick.
One of the new girls at work may have a problem with an ED. We talked a lot today. She is really cool. I hope I can help her. I really want to. I feel like I’m not in much of a position to help people right now. Here I’ve got G on a diet not eating enough calories and this other girl who tells me shes had binge problems and that she thinks she is too thin and should gain weight…I want to save the world. But I have to save myself first. It’s conplicated.
I just need to stop and breathe for 5 minutes. Just…stop and breathe…
Exercise: 4 mile walk, 8 hours running around retail job