Food and weight-maintenence blog for the POST diet girl

Archive for September, 2012

Awoken

I’m supposed to be going to the Renaissance Faire today with my brother and sister-in-law.

I am passed out in my bed. I have not set an alarm. I will not be waking up in my usual natural manner.

My phone vibrates off of my windowsill and onto my bed. It wakes me up. How did I remember to put my phone next to my bed? Who’s calling me? What time is it?

It’s G. My beautiful beau has rescued me.

He is shocked that I was not already awake as it is nearly 8:00 a.m. I explain to him, with an unusually clear head, that I’d had a rough night and his phone call was GREATLY appreciated. He was just calling to make certain I’d gotten home safely and that I was okay. He had no idea that I had plans to go to the Faire. He’s just a wonderful, beautiful person. He reminds me that he loves me. Which I am very thankful for as I am not proud of last night and would hope that he didn’t think differently of me because of it. It is not usual behaviour for me.

I am to be at my brother’s at 9:00.

I figure that my lack of hangover is due to the fact that everything I drank came back up last night. This is somehow a good thing.

I do not eat breakfast. (Really, you didn’t expect me to.)

I find one of my many, many pirate outfits and throw it all on. I wander to my brother’s where they are still getting ready. We leave at around 10.

The Faire was awesome as usual. I  was still a bit ill-feeling most of the morning, so didn’t attempt to eat until around 2:00. I had broccoli cheese soup in a breadbowl, which I also ate. I figured bread would probably help my stomach issues by soaking up all of the acidity left over in there from last night. It helped a lot.

As it was the “Sweet Endings” chocolate weekend, I did also indulge in a little fudge. I had a little pumpkin fudge that was made to look like a tiny mini-pie (very cute).

That was all I ate all day.

I couldn’t have possibly been asked to eat any more than that. I am glad I got to have a small indulgence on the last day of  the Faire as going there means a lot to me. When I got home, I opened my computer, sent G a picture of me that I had taken the night before, and set it on my bed next to me. I fell asleep. The IM noise of his response on Facebook woke me up around 12:30. We talked for about half an hour where I expressed how much I miss him. He said he missed me, too. These little things mean so much to me.

I have to have lunch with my dad tomorrow at noon. I’m really hoping my stomach is better by then.

…..well that was unnecessary.

This could have been a wonderful day had I not been very out of character in the evening.

Breakfast went well:

Parsnip Muffins

I made these with the intention of taking one to G to try. I decided that I had no other reason I wander out that way (no supplies to buy or grocery shopping to do or packages to mail), and chances are he would stop by after work to say hi. So I ate 3 of these and kept the last one in a container for G. I’ve used this recipe lots of times, you can reference it here. (I did not use banana in these, just followed AB’s recipe exactly.)

I ate these really really late. Like at 11:30. So when lunchtime rolled around, I was simply not hungry.

I got a call from G at about 4:30. He just wanted to catch up and talk to me before he went home from work. He’d assumed that since I didn’t go on a walk, I was very busy (which I was, but I am never too busy for him), and thought that giving me a call was more appropriate as he had things he should probably get done too when he got home. So we chatted on the phone for about 20 minutes. I miss him so much I could cry. But his reasoning for not coming over was sound, so I didn’t argue otherwise.

I finished a project and then remembered there was going to be a get together at a bar down the street for a friend who was in town. I made a really quick dinner:

This was cabbage, mushrooms and zucchini with hoisin sauce, honey mustard, and topped with feta cheese. While this was not bad, it would have been a LOT better had I cooked the cabbage better. It was incredibly tough and crunchy and I screwed that up entirely. But I didn’t want to be tempted to eat any junk food when I got to a friend’s house, so I ate it all anyway.

I met up with my friends at another mutual friend’s house who lives very close by. I jumped in a random car and rode out to the bar with them. I left my backpack in the car and grabbed just my purse.

This is where things get a bit hazy.

I got a couple of beers, but a friend kept buying rounds of shots and 151.

It was not a pleasant ending to what could have been a nice evening.

I really don’t want to get too far into it, but I eventually ended up outside. A random person that I did not know brought me my purse and jacket. I remembered to go back inside to pay my tab (but I needed a lot of help to do that). And another close friend took me home. I threw up lots of times in between all of this. Really just…not good. I don’t know why I did that. I’m normally not big into drinking. Maybe I was depressed. I left my backpack in that other person’s car. He lives in Cleveland. Shit. There goes my headphones and MP3 player…now I have nothing to listen to on my walks. Dammit.

Well….at least I threw all that crap (and crappy dinner) back up. I shouldn’t be looking at it that way, but I do. Because you know, I’ve got issues and all.

 

Another good day! (But lonely)

So my lonely days are apparently my good days with eating.

I’m guessing it has something to do with “going out to eat” vs. “staying at home and making something healthy”.

Also, when I’m lonely, I’m sad. And don’t want to eat much. People were spot on when they made the observation that the reason I’m eating more is because I’m happy.

In an attempt to eat better (which I’ve been really good at lately!) I made this for breakfast:

Cinnamon Raisin Oatmeal

I made 2/3 cup oatmeal with water (I would normally like to use milk, but I’m trying really hard here) and added cinnamon, raisins and a pinch of brown sugar (not NEARLY as much as I usually use). I topped it off with a big spoonful of Greek yogurt. This was a really good start to my day! Oatmeal is filling, good for you, and relatively low in calories.

Lunch:

Sammich. This was actually it, I didn’t have anything else with it.

Dinner:

Chicken and Sweet Potato Curry

I posted this picture on my Facebook and my friends genuinely want this recipe. So I will do my very best to remember accurately as I trusted my curry-making skills on this one and did not follow a recipe.

1 Boneless, Skinless Chicken Breast (cut into strips)
1/2 Red Pepper (cut into thin strips)
1/4 cup Peas
1 small Sweet Potato
1/3 small Onion
1/2 Tomato (diced), or dice up some canned tomato
1/4 cup Chicken Stock
Fresh grated Ginger
1 clove Garlic, minced
1 T Curry Powder
1/2 T Corriander
1 t Cumin
1 t Turmeric
1/4 t Cinnamon
Crushed Red Pepper
1 T Brown Sugar
S&P

Yes, I used all that spice for one dish. You bet I did!

My usual suggestion for a potato is to bake it, but in this case I didn’t have time (because it takes a good hour to do so), so I cubed it up and boiled the cubes for about 8 minutes. Drain them and set them aside when finished.

Put some olive oil into a pan and cook the onions until translucent. Add the garlic and ginger and cook about a minute longer. Add red pepper, and peas.  Cook until the peas are no longer frozen (if using frozen peas like I did) and the red pepper starts to soften. Add tomatoes and stock. Bring to a soft boil and add chicken and spices. Allow the chicken to cook for about 15 minutes, until no longer pink. Add cooked sweet potato chunks and stir into dish, heating them through. If you’d like, serve alone (as pictured) or serve on rice.

Probably the best curry dish I’ve made yet. I put so much spice into this it was practically neon. I was impressed with myself entirely. Then again, I do forget how awesome I am sometimes. And no rice meant no extra carbs! There was PLENTY of food here. I really didn’t need any more.

I did a crapton of walking today and then realized I was out of ice cream. So at 8 PM I had to go back out to buy some. When I don’t have ice cream, bad things happen. (i.e. I end up making cookies or binge on other things I have available.) I walked to get ice cream, had my serving, and was perfectly happy about how my day of eating went!

But I am lonely.

Exercise: 6 mile walk

 

YAY for not fucking up!

It’s weird how just one comment from someone can change things.

I felt pretty when I woke up this morning. No real reason. I’m not thinner and I don’t look any different than I did yesterday or the day before. I just….felt pretty. I updated as such on my Facebook. Everybody loves it when I’m positive about myself. It boosts their confidences as well.

I’d worked hard all morning and had to be at my retail job at 5:30. This gave me plenty of time to make meals for myself, though I didn’t really take much advantage of that.

Breakfast:

Coco Pebbles. Yup. This is what was on a sale. So it’s what I bought. ODDLY ENOUGH these have LESS calories, LESS sugar, and LESS fat than Raisin Bran (which is what I usually buy), so really it was a decent compromise.

Lunch:

Here’s where I could have royally fucked up, but didn’t. I had this PB&J along with 1 last serving of cottage cheese. I was pleasantly full afterwards, so didn’t bother with an apple or anything else. I went back to work. Nearing closer to the time I had to leave for my retail job, I tried telling myself that I really ought to have some sort of snack before walking. I decided that after I was done with my project, I would reward myself with a snack. But I also had my stomach telling me, “Hey! I’m NOT HUNGRY! You have NO reason to eat anything!”, which I equally debated listening to. For some reason, with lunch especially, I eat my sandwich, my blood sugar spikes, and I want more food. This is why you’ll often see 2, maybe 3 pictures of food for lunch. I often decide to eat more after I’ve eaten my sandwich. It’s generally a healthy (and healthy portion of) food that I reach for (an apple, a serving of cottage cheese, applesauce, etc), but I really need to stop doing this as it’s a bad habit nudging toward binge eating. I’d changed my mind and back so many times, it was mentally exhausting. Finally, right when I had finished my project, a friend messaged me out of the blue saying “You ARE pretty!” in response to my update. This is the nail in the snack coffin. My brain immediately shuts off the idea. I am pretty. Don’t ruin this. Don’t give in when there’s no need to. You’re not even hungry, STOP eating when you’re not hungry.

I wanted to thank him for this, but didn’t really know how to phrase it with my crazy head. So I just basically said “Thanks! You’re a good friend!” and left for work.

At work, I had 2 cups of soup. One was chicken noodle and the other was broccoli cheese. It was a good night at work. I felt good about myself. I got to do work other than cashiering all night, which gets tedious and boring. Today was an all-around win.

Have you “won” against your eating disorder recently? Please tell me about it!

Exercise: 2 mile walk

Only partially alone

Today was a good day for everything. A good day for food, love, and work. And I wasn’t alone all day. I had a wonder half-hour in between everything else. I can’t even describe how great this half hour was. Okay, I’ll try…hehe.

First, breakfast:

Omelet made with 2 eggs, some milk, sauteed onions, diced tomato and feta cheese. I also grabbed some chives from my window box and threw those on too! This was oddly fantastic. I just used what I had. And this was one of the few savory breakfasts I’ve had in a while!

Lunch:

PB&J (near the end of my bread)

1 serving of Cottage Cheese. (I think I also had an apple, but forgot to take a picture.)

On my walk to the post office and to buy more supplies, I stop into work to visit G. I planned it JUUUUST right that I figured he would be on his lunch break. I was right. He was gorgeous. He hadn’t had time to shave. He was up late talking to me, I’m sure he slept in too late. He’d already had a bad morning at work as well. He was very, very happy to see me. We laughed and laughed SO hard during the entire half hour. I nearly killed him a couple of times by making him laugh while eating. He mentions something about lemon chicken, so this is what I decide to make tonight. His mum gave me a present. A little ceramic turtle. I named him Reginald. She just thought I would like it. She’s the coolest person I’ve never met.

I couldn’t stop noticing how gorgeous he was. His smile is so beautiful. And his laugh contagious. His slightly unkempt look is very unlike him, he’s normally quite prim and proper. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him.

Such a fabulous half-hour.

I walked him back to his department, told him how cute he is, and gave him a hug. Then off I went! My mood was lightened for the rest of the day. I couldn’t get him off of my mind. (I never can, but moreso than usual today.)

Dinner:

Lemon Chicken and Broccoli

This recipe uses lemon curd as the base of the sauce. I did not have any. So I made it.

Lemon Curd:

Taken from: http://www.joyofbaking.com/LemonCurd.html

Lemon Curd Recipe:

3 large eggs

3/4 cup (150 grams) granulated white sugar

1/3 cup (80 ml) fresh lemon juice (2-3 lemons) (do not use the bottled lemon juice)

4 tablespoons (56 grams) unsalted butter, at room temperature

1 tablespoon (4 grams) finely shredded lemon zest

In a stainless steel bowl placed over a saucepan of simmering water, whisk together the eggs, sugar, and lemon juice until blended. Cook, stirring constantly (to prevent it from curdling), until the mixture becomes thick (like sour cream or a hollandaise sauce) (160 degrees F or 71 degrees C). This will take approximately 10 minutes. Remove from heat and immediately pour through a fine strainer to remove any lumps. Cut the butter into small pieces and whisk into the mixture until the butter has melted. Add the lemon zest and let cool. The lemon curd will continue to thicken as it cools. Cover immediately (so a skin doesn’t form) and refrigerate for up to a week.Makes 1 1/2 cups (360 ml).

Lemon Chicken:

Taken from: http://kitschow.blogspot.com/2009/06/304-lemon-chicken-recipe.html

*NOTE: I did not marinade the chicken, nor did I batter and fry it. So I will only copy the sauce recipe.

Sauce:

A cup of chicken stock
Half a cup of lemon curd (commercially-made is OK but homemade is better)
One tablespoon of sesame oil
2 tablespoons of cornstarch and 1/4 cup of cold water
Optional: Some grated lemon zest

I did not have any sesame oil, so I toasted some sesame seeds in olive oil hoping it would be a good substitution. I cooked my chicken in the same pan, also with the broccoli and some garlic. I added the stock, curd and water/cornstarch mix. I added the extra zest on top of everything.

*I loved this SO MUCH it was a bit insane. Next time though, I plan on using more lemon curd than stock instead of the other way around. I just like my lemon things to be really lemony (which I’ve mentioned multiple times.) Otherwise, HOLY SHIT! I will be making this for G, though I would really like to experiment with the marinade and batter next time!

I ended up telling G later in the evening how awe-strikingly stunning he was today. He is confused, but incredibly happy nonetheless that I feel this way. I don’t know that he will ever understand what I see in him, but that doesn’t matter to me. He is always beautiful.

Exercise: 6 mile walk

More cake

After complaining up a storm about that damn stupid free cake that I downed yesterday, I woke up this morning and made cake. (Seriously???)

Breakfast:

Lemon Lime Coffee Cake

Taken from: http://coffeecakecrazy.blogspot.com/2012/07/lemon-lime-coffee-cake.html

Coffee Cake
1 ¼ cup unbleached white flour
1 ¼ cup whole wheat flour
2 tsp baking powder
½ tsp salt
1 Tbsp lemon zest
1 Tbsp lime zest
1 cup sugar
1 stick butter, softened
2 eggs
1 cup sour cream
3 Tbsp lemon juice
Streusel
½ cup unbleached white flour
½ cup whole wheat flour
2 Tbsp lemon zest
¼ tsp salt
¼ cup packed brown sugar
¼ cup sugar
1 stick butter, cut into ½” pieces
dash of nutmeg
1 cup chopped walnuts


Icing
1 cup powdered sugar
1 Tbsp butter, at room temperature
2 – 4 Tbsp lime juice

Instructions
Generously grease a 9×13 pan. Heat oven to 350° F. For this recipe, I used fresh lemon juice and fresh lime juice.

For the streusel
Combine all ingredients in a bowl except walnuts. Using a pastry cutter or two knives, cut butter into dry ingredients until crumbly. Add walnuts and stir thoroughly. Refrigerate until needed.

For the cake
In a bowl, combine unbleached white flour, whole wheat flour, salt, baking powder, lemon zest, and lime zest. Set aside. In a mixing bowl, cream butter and sugar until fluffy. Add eggs one at a time stirring well after each. Add sour cream and stir thoroughly. Add flour mixture ½ cup at a time stirring well after each. Stir in lemon zest. Batter will be thick. Pour into greased pan and top with streusel. Bake for 35-40 minutes.

For the icing
Combine all ingredients adding lime juice one tablespoon at a time. Drizzle over cooled cake.

*I tend to up the ante a bit on lemon stuff. I doubled all of the zest and juice requirements. It was delicious! And because of this, I ate the entire thing. Granted, I only made a 1/4 recipe and I’m certain that was how I justified my actions. I also added a little more sour cream and egg than called for because though it warns “the batter will be thick”, it was too thick. And though I realize using sour cream instead of milk is sure to result in a denser cake, this would have the fluffiness of a hockey puck if I didn’t do something about it. I am glad I did.

Since I had such a huge breakfast, I did not eat lunch.

Dinner:

Garam Masala Veggie Couscous

I chopped up whatever veggies I had left that needed to be used.

1/2 Green Pepepr
1/2 small Onion
1/2 Parsnip
1/2 Carrot
1/3 cup Peas
1/2 Zucchini
1/2 Tomato

I threw all of that into a skillet (while making the couscous in a saucepan) with olive oil, 1/2 T Garam Masala, 1/4 t Alsipce and 1/4 t Chili Powder. I also added some salt, fresh ground pepper, and a splash of lemon juice. I put this on top of a bed of couscous and stirred it all up after I took the picture hehe! I felt better about having a nice, healthy, vegetarian meal after having cake for breakfast.

It was a long day. I got a call from work asking me if I would be willing to cut my shift the following day. I had no problem with this as I have a lot of work to get done. I ran a couple of errands that desperately needed to be run since I had some extra time now. I cashed a check for some work that I did. I stopped at the drugstore and bought soap, eyeliner (REAL eyeliner for once in my life, not those cheap Wet ‘N Wild pencils) and air fresheners. I got some projects started and others finished. I did well. Not wonderful, but well with my eating. Things will be okay if I just THINK about what I’m eating before I eat it.

I wish I could do that meal-planning thing that people talk about. I have to shop differently. I buy only what is on clearance and in that case generally need to use the items purchased in a very quick and timely manner. I cannot plan days or weeks ahead of time what I am going to eat. I’d also throw my schedule off a lot with various bouts of going to restaurants, getting ice cream, etc. I need to get back into the habit of picking the healthiest item on the menu when I do go out. I’ve stopped doing that entirely. I’ve also been a terrible influence on G who already has many many self-image issues. I don’t care, I think he’s perfect and beautiful no matter what weight he is. I don’t care, but he does.

My poor guy will never have sex with me if I don’t allow him to lose weight.

Exercise: 6.5 mile walk

Caramel Apples (and unfortnate chocolate cake)

I NEED to learn how to make these things. When done right, caramel apples are my absolute FAVOURITE seasonal treat! Caramel is easy enough to make…I just have a long line of desserts/candies that I have to make first! First is candy corn. Then we’ll work our way up to caramel from there!

I skipped breakfast again knowing that I would be having one of these (for real this time) at about 11. Which I did. I, of course, forgot a picture though. I just get so excited about sweet things!

Then we went off to see a movie! Afterwards, he dropped me off at home and went to work. We get to work together tonight. All night. It makes me feel safe and happy just knowing he is there with me, even if I don’t really get the chance to see him or talk to him. And he will get to take me home.

I ate a small variety of food for lunch. I kept all the portions down to a minimum, so I didn’t feel too awful about it.

PB&J.

Pretty apple.

And then I also had a little cottage cheese. I took a short nap before work and when I woke up had a small snack of 2 spoonfulls of Greek yogurt with granola.

So everything was still OK up to this point.

I get to work and on my first 15 minute break, do something stupid and open the fridge. There is a huge chocolate cake.

GodDAMMIT.

Welp, before I know it I’ve downed 2 pieces of it. Stupid free cake.

I complain to G that there is cake in the fridge that mysteriously made its way into my stomach when he walks back there for his own break. He says “…..did you save any for me?” Hehehe. So I felt a bit better that he was also ruining his diet for the day.

For dinner, I had a tomato pesto sandwich and a couple of peanut butter cookies. I decide today is a waste for my diet, so if I want cookies, I should have cookies.

After spending a little time with G out in the car following our shift (where he falls asleep on my head…poor, cute thing…) I go inside and eat some ice cream.

Whatever.