Food and weight-maintenence blog for the POST diet girl

YAY for not fucking up!

It’s weird how just one comment from someone can change things.

I felt pretty when I woke up this morning. No real reason. I’m not thinner and I don’t look any different than I did yesterday or the day before. I just….felt pretty. I updated as such on my Facebook. Everybody loves it when I’m positive about myself. It boosts their confidences as well.

I’d worked hard all morning and had to be at my retail job at 5:30. This gave me plenty of time to make meals for myself, though I didn’t really take much advantage of that.

Breakfast:

Coco Pebbles. Yup. This is what was on a sale. So it’s what I bought. ODDLY ENOUGH these have LESS calories, LESS sugar, and LESS fat than Raisin Bran (which is what I usually buy), so really it was a decent compromise.

Lunch:

Here’s where I could have royally fucked up, but didn’t. I had this PB&J along with 1 last serving of cottage cheese. I was pleasantly full afterwards, so didn’t bother with an apple or anything else. I went back to work. Nearing closer to the time I had to leave for my retail job, I tried telling myself that I really ought to have some sort of snack before walking. I decided that after I was done with my project, I would reward myself with a snack. But I also had my stomach telling me, “Hey! I’m NOT HUNGRY! You have NO reason to eat anything!”, which I equally debated listening to. For some reason, with lunch especially, I eat my sandwich, my blood sugar spikes, and I want more food. This is why you’ll often see 2, maybe 3 pictures of food for lunch. I often decide to eat more after I’ve eaten my sandwich. It’s generally a healthy (and healthy portion of) food that I reach for (an apple, a serving of cottage cheese, applesauce, etc), but I really need to stop doing this as it’s a bad habit nudging toward binge eating. I’d changed my mind and back so many times, it was mentally exhausting. Finally, right when I had finished my project, a friend messaged me out of the blue saying “You ARE pretty!” in response to my update. This is the nail in the snack coffin. My brain immediately shuts off the idea. I am pretty. Don’t ruin this. Don’t give in when there’s no need to. You’re not even hungry, STOP eating when you’re not hungry.

I wanted to thank him for this, but didn’t really know how to phrase it with my crazy head. So I just basically said “Thanks! You’re a good friend!” and left for work.

At work, I had 2 cups of soup. One was chicken noodle and the other was broccoli cheese. It was a good night at work. I felt good about myself. I got to do work other than cashiering all night, which gets tedious and boring. Today was an all-around win.

Have you “won” against your eating disorder recently? Please tell me about it!

Exercise: 2 mile walk

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Comments on: "YAY for not fucking up!" (1)

  1. I know exactly what you mean about having something to maintain making eating properly so much easier – I think that’s a big problem for me. I think ‘what’s the point?’ because I am SO far away from how I want to look now, and the task of getting back there just seems too huge to contemplate. So I continue to make poor choices, and the cycle continues (not crappy foods, but portions that are too big). I think I maintained the body I loved for a good few years because I so desperately wanted it to stay that way, but when I was injured I completely lost my head and started hating my body/thinking it was a useless lump again, and totally let myself go.

    Good on you for having an ED-related victory!

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